Lock Up
by krackensan
Summary: After being imprisoned by the enemy for a year, among men who were more like animals, Duo is rescued. Unfortunately, he has learned to survive by tooth and nail and he finds it impossible to think any other way. When Heero takes Duo to a remote location i
1. Cianide

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, NCS in past, but not described. Violence, language.

Lock Up

Cianide

From Duo Maxwell's recorded voice journal:

When you're a scrawny kid, just out of a war, who's been tossed into an Oz lockup and forgotten about, there's only one thing you can do... go crazy. No matter how much of an easy piece of ass you look, they'll usually give a psychopathic killer a wide berth, unless, of course it's the psychopathic killers who are trying to get a piece of your ass. They had nailed me twice, before I had learned the layout of the place, the hierarchy of the prisoners, and had managed to get under the wing of someone who was willing to watch my back. He hadn't wanted a piece of me in return either, he had just felt sorry for me, if you can imagine that. I remember feeling bad when they had ripped him to pieces to get at me during my last day there. We were all rescued shortly afterward, which was a good thing, since they had messed me up badly enough to die. Was that luck? Depends. There are different kinds of luck, and, sometimes, the bad stuff comes at you disguised as good luck..

I spent time in a hospital before I was committed and put in a padded room. After a year of running, hiding, and fighting to save my life and my ass, I couldn't put aside the craziness that had kept me alive and, relatively, in one piece. Ever see a dog that's been beaten too much? Sometimes, they get scared. Other times, they get mean. I got mean, nasty, violent, and hair trigger as hell.

What had Heero thought when he had opened the door of my cell that day, to take me into his care, and I had attacked him like a wild beast? What had my face looked like when I had bared my teeth like fangs, snarled, and attacked him with as much violence as I could manage wrapped up in my restraints? Had he wondered if he'd made a mistake? Had he wanted to turn his back and pretend he'd never had the impulse to get involved? I don't know the answer. He had hit me right behind the ear, one karate chop, and knocked me out.

I'll never know what those renegade enemy soldiers were thinking of doing with the fifty odd prisoners they had managed to roundup after the war. Revenge? Maybe. Bargaining chips to save their own asses? Likely. They caught me almost passed out at a bar, happily celebrating the end of the war and thinking of my great, new, peaceful future. If I ever find the bartender that let them take me out of there, they won't be able to identify the body.

The place I had been taken to had been a very good prison satellite at one time, probably run by efficient men and women who had kept order. When they had tossed me in there, the inmates were definitely running the place. The guards had been gone, the cells had been open, and there had been no where to go except among the cell blocks, exercise yards, and down underneath into the mazes, catwalks, and greasy machinery of the interior. The strongest had taken over the hanger and the guard rooms. Their trusted hanger ons, were given the cells. The rest of us had hidden in the interior, making our beds under dripping grease, hot, forever running machinery, and playing a nonstop game of cat and mouse; a game you never wanted to lose.

We had all been in the same boat. We had all been kidnap victims and on the same side of the war. We should have worked together to escape, to communicate with the outside and let them know that we were abandoned there, because, after our drop off, we never saw our kidnappers again. Instead, the men with me had turned suspicious, then paranoid, and then violent. Maybe it was knowing that it was possible that no one would ever find us, or the toxic, overloaded, air filtration system that had made everyone constantly ill? It could have been the food processor, making endless chunks of something from some unreachable mechanized hydroponics/bio project atop the dome. It had dispensed everywhere, thank god, so hunger hadn't been an issue. Getting the things eaten, had been. They had tasted bad and smelled worse, like three day old fish and spinach. The predators had tended to hang out by the dispensers as well, like lions waiting at a watering hole.

I had tried to be the hero. I had tried to help my fellow inmates who needed it. That's what got me raped twice, protecting what really couldn't be protected. It was everyone for themselves and the people I had been protecting had turned out to be just as paranoid and as violent as the rest of them. Why attack me? Maybe they had thought that I was too strong and too in control? Maybe they had started thinking that I could just as easily turn into the bad guy? 'Get them before they get you', that was law number one.

What had been my own mental state? Tooth and nail, kill or be killed. When Heero had come for me, he had been just another enemy and my mind hadn't been able to wrap itself around the fact that he was an old war buddy and that getting out of that padded room was a good thing. Hide. That had been law number two. Hide so the bad guys didn't get a hold of me. You could see why I had panicked when I had awakened in a unfamiliar bedroom, with an open window and Heero Yuy standing by my bedside.

What came after made me wonder if the man hadn't been as crazy as I was then, but that was some time ago and now I know at least why he did it, why he saved me when everyone else had decided that I had been beyond redemption. They had it all on vid tape, you see, the system hooked up to the cell blocks and maintenance runs. They knew all the down and dirty things I had done to survive. They knew how many people I had killed. Call it whatever you want, space madness, toxic poisoning, or despair, people don't really get past watching you slice people up with a length of jagged metal. Maybe that was why they hooked me up to a stun monitor and gave me a one acre perimeter around the house Heero had taken me to. I knew all about fear, knew all about paranoia. I was also used to being betrayed. Trust came later, and understanding, but then I had been the beast and Heero had been my keeper.

End record.

He's found his limits, Heero thought as he sipped his tea, and leaned against the door jam. Staring out over the unkept fields surrounding the back of the house, he could see Duo collapsed by one of the perimeter poles, stunned and hurting from the charge. He counted to three and Duo, miraculously, levered himself up and hid in a taller patch of grass. He was good at that and Heero was impressed as his white clothing faded behind the brown weeds. He was perfectly still, nothing giving him away.

Let him wear himself out and then try to talk, Heero had decided early on, when Duo had first awakened and attacked him with a fury that had left marks. He had an offer to make and intentions to spell out clearly to the ex pilot of Deathsycthe. He couldn't do that until Duo satisfied himself that he was safe and calmed down.

A bundle of muscle, bone, and violence, Heero thought, that's all Duo was now. Survival had made him a weapon and nothing more. Everything else of humanity had been jettisoned. He had not broken, he had turned into whipcord and steel and had spat in the eye of his fate. Remembering the young boy who had fought at his side with a fierceness in his eyes, Heero had expected nothing less.

Duo was suddenly there and Heero blinked, wondering how he had managed to creep through the grass and take him, of all people, by surprise. Duo's hot glare didn't acknowledge that he knew Heero at all. Heero readied himself to fight, his tea cup flexed in one hand and poised to smash into flesh. He wasn't willing to die for this cause he'd taken up and Duo's eyes promised death.

"Let me out of here or I'll cut your balls off and make you eat them," Duo grated dangerously. His voice was rough and low. The bad air on the satellite had taken it's toll physically.

"No," Heero replied simply and then added, "Don't fight me. You won't win."

"Try me," Duo hissed.

"No," Heero replied. "Come into the house. I've made breakfast."

"Fuck you!" Duo snarled.

Heero shrugged and slowly backed up into the kitchen, never taking his eyes off of Duo. "Eat or don't eat. That's your decision." He motioned to the food set out on the farmhouse style table and then left to go into the living room, so that Duo would feel safer. The clatter of plates and a fork told him that Duo was eating.

He speaks, he thinks, he reasons, Heero thought with some relief. Now, all he had to do was to turn off that switch that had been turned on during Duo's stay on the satellite, the one that had awakened everything primal that man kept safely locked away under a thick layer of civilization.

The back door slammed shut. Heero sighed as he looked out of a window. He saw Duo briefly before the man expertly hid himself. There were several low outbuildings; an old barn, where Heero kept several machines, and a two car garage that had probably held farm wagons in the long distant past. Both of them were obvious hiding places and Heero knew that Duo wouldn't choose either of them for that very reason.

Heero considered whether it was wise to go after him, but then decided against it. He couldn't let Duo stay out there and entrench himself like a hunted animal, but he wouldn't stumble about blindly, either, and risk Duo attacking him. Food was the key. If he wanted to eat, Duo had to come to him. Since he couldn't hope to devise a lock that Duo couldn't pick, he had to take up a guard position in the kitchen. Food would come from him, or not at all. Hopefully, that would foster trust, eventually.

Heero's cell phone rang. He pulled it out of the pocket of his denim jeans and answered it. "Yuy."

"Everything green?" Une asked.

Heero frowned. "He's secure. If you were hoping for more, your mission parameters need re-adjusting, Commander."

Une sounded frustrated. "My top psychologists were of the opinion that familiarity might bring about a change in his mental state."

"With me?" Heero was impatient with stupidity. "We worked several missions together during the war, but I would not say that we are on 'familiar terms'. I fail to see why I was chosen for this assignment."

Une's voice turned crisp, "It seems that Duo did not share your opinion. At the end of the war, all of you were required to fill out paperwork for your repatriation into civilian life. Duo listed you as his next of kin in his personnel file and listed you as his beneficiary when he was offered a health card in the Sanc Kingdom." She made an impatient sound. "Yuy, the time to question your orders was when they were given."

Only, he did not question orders, Heero replied to himself, and was well aware that Une knew that too. Why he was doing it now, puzzled him. He could handle Duo on any physical level. The psychologists had made it plain to him that, quiet, reassurance, and trust, would bring Duo back from the high strung, kill or be killed, state that he had fallen into during his captivity. Heero didn't have to try and implement therapies that he wasn't trained for. He only had to be patient and keep Duo from escaping or hurting either of them.

"I expect that it was one of his 'jokes'," Heero finally replied. "He was always... unprofessional in that regard."

Une said, "I almost had him terminated during the war. Everyone thought that I was heartless, executing a young boy, but you and I, Heero Yuy, know what the both of you are capable of. You are too important to waste, too important to this fledgling government. It may want to discard all weapons, but the wolves are still out there, the White Fangs that think Relena and her high ideals must be crushed under their brand of truth. She needs defenders. She needs soldiers. People like us don't get to have peace, Heero. You know that. We will be fighting, always, because that's all we know, that's all we are good for, and we are needed for those very things so desperately. Quatre Winner, Trowa Barton, Sally Po, Milliardo Peacecraft, and Heero Yuy. I need to add Duo Maxwell to our ranks. I need you to succeed."

Heero felt a coldness wrap around him as he listened to her words. Yes, the eternal soldier. All that he was good for. All that he would ever be required to do in his life. It rang through him like drumbeats. He stood in the house of his failed attempt to live in peace and knew that the soldier that was Heero Yuy didn't have any place there. There was only one use for it now, to give Duo solitude and healing, but they would both leave it in the end.

"Succeed," Une said harshly, a clear order wrapped up in desperate hope.

"I will," Heero replied and heard the phone disconnect. He pocketed it absently as he looked out of the window again.

Where would he hide if he were Duo? In plain sight, Heero decided. He winced. The days were warm, but the nights on that large, flat prairie of grass could be very cold. Heero went to get a thick blanket from a linen closet. Cautiously opening the back door, he tossed the blanket out towards the tall grasses as far as he could. It landed with a flutter, caught on the ends by a breeze. He didn't wait to see whether Duo would take it or not. He knew that Duo wouldn't move while he was watching.

Why was he questioning the mission? Heero wondered, staring out over the waving brown grass and the sun shining as it moved towards the horizon. The answer was tantalizingly close to the surface, but Heero shied away from it. They had all joined Preventers, had all given up their peace to fight for it for others, and now Duo needed to be brought into their fold as well. Duo's hard won peace had lasted one evening. Une wanted to make certain that was all he ever experienced.

That bothered him, Heero decided, without delving any deeper, but he couldn't let it affect him.

Duo snatched the blanket, balled it up next to his chest, and changed his hiding place entirely. He knew, on some level, that the man who shared his new prison was Heero, but it was a peripheral realization overwhelmed by baser impulses. Yes, he knew him, but, no, he wasn't about to let the scattered shards of his old self interfere with survival.

Stashing his new blanket by in a slight depression in the ground, hidden by tall grass, Duo curled up on it and tested the edge of his new weapon, a blade from a grass cutter that he had acquired from the larger of the outbuildings. The place had been a treasure trove of machinery and tools, but he hadn't found anything that could break through his leg shackle or the poles of the perimeter. He suspected that Heero had the control device. He would have to kill the man, he was certain, to get to it. Duo tested the balance of his weapon and thought of likely strategies.

A rustle in the grass had Duo ducking down, every muscle tense to flee or fight, brain dropping even lower into primitive instincts. He peered cautiously to the right of him and saw a large field mouse chasing an insect to the ends of some long, tough, tufts of grass. His mistake. Duo was a flash as he caught the creature and stabbed down into it with his knife. Checking cautiously for Heero, he waited until he was absolutely sure of his safety before returning to his hiding place. If there were enough mice and other creatures, he wouldn't have to risk himself getting food from Heero. Offers like that carried heavy prices, he had found out. Usually they were traps, but sometimes they were enticements for alliances. Having seen the rise, fall, and destruction of such alliances, and the fatal consequences to his one time protector, Duo had decided that alone was best.

Memories stung and fought to gain clarity. Duo wrestled them back into submission with a seething anger that was blinding. He didn't want the images of violence plaguing him, distracting him, or making him weak. He didn't want to remember his helplessness when they had hurt him and he didn't want to remember the long days of enduring until he had healed himself. The grinding struggle each day had blurred the edges of most of it, as had his own furious refusal to let it overwhelm him. To allow that would be to lose, he thought, and he had determined, from day one there, that he would come out of it alive, that he would win and spit in the eye of who ever had put him there.

Duo looked out past the blur of the perimeter field, to the long stretches of brown plains grass. He thought about being free, of going where he liked, but it was a brief thought. Hope could kill too, he knew, and drowned it in a numbing anger that was his cloak of protection. Survive. It was his mantra, his body, mind, and soul. Survive, no matter what. 


	2. With Teeth

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning: Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence, mention of past NCS.

Lock Up

With Teeth

Heero kicked out before he was fully awake. His foot slammed into Duo's gut as he violently shoved the man away from him. Duo's blade missed his throat and sliced into the chair he was sleeping in instead. Slivers of wood flew as the back of the chair exploded into pieces.

Heero was up and in a defensive posture in one smooth movement. Duo was gasping for breath, but not allowing it to make him vulnerable. He was on his feet as well and backing up, hand clutched to his middle and blade ready for another blow. His eyes were flat, the eyes of a killer.

"Coffee?" Heero asked with a rueful grimace.

Duo blinked. Morning sunlight was streaming through the kitchen window and making his hair appeared tipped with fire."I'm going to kill you," Duo promised.

Heero moved backwards, his guard still up, and saw that the coffee was done. Sometime, in between setting it to perc and Duo's attack, he had fallen asleep. Heero was angry at himself for his lapse. He wasn't intending to spend the entire assignment without sleep, but he should have realized his own state of weariness and placed himself in a more secure location.

"Coffee first?" Heero persisted as he poured two cups. He edged one steaming cup along the counter and then backed away with his own.

"You have the key," Duo growled.

"No," Heero told him and then took a cautious sip of his coffee."We're both prisoners here."

Duo straightened, his breathing easing. He tested the weight of his blade. "More reason for you to die."

Heero raised an eyebrow. Duo didn't explain. Heero said simply, "Attack me and I will kill you if I have to. You can't beat me. You must remember my strength, my skill?"

Duo looked ugly. "If you can kill me, then do it."

"Do you remember me?" Heero wondered.

Duo looked momentarily confused and then he was sure of himself again. "You die or I die. That's the way it is."

"Where you came from, yes," Heero told him. "I've seen the vids. Not here. You're free now."

Duo curled his lip. "You are a bad liar. I'm a prisoner. I'm free. There doesn't seem to be a difference."

"You're here because you attempted to kill your doctors," Heero told him. "You're here until you understand that you don't have to live like that anymore."

Duo sneered and backed towards the door. It was locked, Heero noticed as Duo reached back and unlocked it, his eyes never leaving Heero."I'm not stupid," Duo told him. "I know why I'm here."

Heero wondered if he really did know. "I don't understand why you are still trying to use survival tactics from your prison."

There was a hard twitch along Duo's face. He shivered and then showed Heero his teeth before he bolted out of the door and back into the tall grasses. Heero closed the door and locked it. He finished his coffee, analyzing their meeting. Duo still considered himself a prisoner. That was feeding his paranoia and his violence. Heero couldn't see an alternative, though. Duo was simply too dangerous to be given his freedom.

Coffee finished, Heero carefully washed the cup and put it away. He stared at Duo's untouched cup while he did it. There was an odd image generated by it, but Heero dismissed it as a byproduct of his lack of sleep. A friendly talk over coffee That was extremely unlikely.

Heero picked up a broom and began sweeping up the broken chair. The bits of wood made loud, skittering noises across the floor. Taking a dust pan, he bent to sweep the wood into it, and just missed being decapitated. He heard the whistle of Duo's blade as it passed over his head.

Heero thrust the end of his broom backward and caught Duo in the neck. It was a glancing blow , but Duo fell back. Heero whirled and held the broom between them defensively. Duo glared and rubbed at his throat. He edged past Heero, took his still hot coffee defiantly, and then slipped back out of the back door. 'I'm going to get you, sooner or later,' that arrogant gesture had said.

Heero left the kitchen , searching for the place where Duo had broken into the house. He found an open window. Duo's blade had dug into old caulk and pried out the lock. Heero turned and eyed the other windows. He would have to find one room and secure it, he decided. He couldn't hope to secure the entire old house.

-  
Duo sat in the tall grass and sipped at his coffee. It was good and it triggered old memories. Huddling around the cup, he balanced his blade on his knee caps and stayed alert, eyes never ceasing in their surveillance of his surroundings.

Sweepers. A grungy space ship. Sitting around a metal table spotted with grease and laughing with men older than himself. The coffee had been strong and the comradeship had been special to him. Quatre... the desert... waiting for the next attack... Hilde... scrap yard... lull between storms...

Duo took a long, shuddering breath. It was all gone. All destroyed. He couldn't go back. That time was over and done with. The war had ended and he had been given a taste of hell. Hell was in his heart and soul and it wouldn't let him go. The drum beat of survival was very loud, and the past was an undercurrent that was barely audible.

A blade settled near Duo's jugular. Duo tensed in shock.

Heero was crouched behind him, smiling. "You need to understand," he said, "That you can't win this way. Once you calm down, once you break out of this mental state, you will be set free."

Duo dropped his coffee cup and then used his hand to knock the blade aside. Blood splattered them both as he twisted around and slammed his head into Heero's forehead. Heero was knocked off balance in his surprise and Duo used that opening to kick up with one foot, catching Heero under the chin. Heero dropped, unconscious.

Duo sneered as he grabbed Heero by the hair and rested his blade against the man's throat. "You talk too much," Duo muttered. A simple flex of muscles would relieve him of a very serious threat, Duo thought. He had done it many times before, and left many men in puddles of blood without a second thought. It should have been very easy.

Something about Heero's face made Duo pause, though. Relaxed in unconsciousness, dark eyelashes over fine, oriental skin, and messy, dark hair in a tangle around his face, Heero looked very vulnerable... and pale. Had he hit him too hard? Duo checked the man's breathing and then shook his head, wondering why he was bothering. Dead was good, he thought, but then felt a tightness, a roil of emotions that confused him.

Despite what Heero had said, he might know how to defeat the perimeter system, Duo thought, giving himself an excuse to keep the man alive. He had the upper hand now. He could force Heero to tell him how to escape. Killing was good, but not when something could be gained from not killing.

Duo hooked hands under Heero's arms and dragged him to the house. 


	3. Patterns

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this Warning: Male/male sex, past NCS (not described),language, violence.

Lock-Up

Patterns

Heero was tied securely to a chair. He came to hanging in ropes, the wires around his wrists sharp and a warning against struggling. If he did, they would slash his wrists, he was certain. Duo was sitting in a chair in front of him, the chair reversed and Duo straddling it with his chin resting on the crossed arms over its back. His expression was self assured and lazy, like a cat who had all day to kill a mouse.

Heero blinked at the pain in his head. He felt fuzzy and wondered if Duo had given him a concussion. He still couldn't believe that Duo had been able to take him down. Where had his reflexes been, his hard wired training? Duo wasn't in the best of shape and he was thinking in a vicious, almost uncontrolled manner. He wasn't a match for him in any way, Heero thought, so why had he gone down that easily?

Duo narrowed eyes at him. "You will talk."

Heero grunted. "Why? You're going to kill me."

Duo smiled and it was edgy and appreciative of Heero's bravery. "Yes, I am," he easily admitted. "The only good enemy is a dead one."

"Then I don't gain anything by talking to you," Heero told him and then added, "but I'm not your enemy. I don't want you harmed in any way."

"Is that why I'm here?" Duo wondered sarcastically. "To keep me safe? You want something like everyone else. Why don't you tell me what it is?"

"Before I die?" Heero said lightly, "Maybe that would be a good way to get my revenge? By leaving you ignorant?"

Duo scoffed. "Someone is going to come and try to kill me sooner or later. You're not in this alone."

Heero was having trouble thinking of correct responses that would conceal his purpose. He found himself, instead, saying what he was thinking. "If you don't cooperate, yes." He frowned sharply and clamped his teeth tightly together. Why had he said that? That was the last thing that he wanted Duo to know.

Duo was on that at once. "Cooperate? Not 'Get better'? Not 'Calm Down'? Not 'Stop trying to kill everyone'? Everyone wants something, Heero, and once they have it, they kill you. I learned that." There was a mad light in Duo's eyes as he said the last, memories of his imprisonment clear on his face.

"This isn't the prison," Heero told him. "Why don't you see that?"

"Isn't it?" Duo retorted. "I don't think much has changed except the scenery."

"That isn't true," Heero insisted.

"What do they want?" Duo asked, ignoring him. "What do you want?"

"You, in your right mind," Heero replied and struggled not to say anything else.

"There are different ways of getting fucked over," Duo snarled. "I do what you want and I get to live a little longer. Isn't that what it's all about? Sit up, roll over, bend over, and then be dead."

"Duo..." Heero bowed his head. There was a ringing in his ears.

"I'm still there," Duo insisted and he stood up. "It's still happening. I still have to fight." His hands were pulling at his clothes, pulling them down around him in a gesture that looked unconscious, as if he couldn't get them to cover enough of him."You won't win. You're the one that's going to do tricks, not me."

Duo drew his long blade and approached Heero. Heero tested his bonds and felt the bite at his wrists. He could chance it and hope that he could bind his wounds in time to save his own life, but that was a last resort.

Duo put the blade against his throat. His purple eyes were fierce and glittering. "Tell me how to get out of here and I'll let you live a little longer."

Heero said nothing. The blade made a line of blood over his skin. He refused to wince.

"Do you remember me?" Heero asked.

The blade paused. "Yes."

"What am I like?" Heero persisted.

"Like?" Duo was puzzled. He replied after a moment, "Suicidal. Hardheaded. Crazy. Steady. Strong. A good fighter. I..." He paused and looked confused. "I wanted to make you a friend," he continued, "but you were right that it makes a dangerous liability. You can't trust anyone... not anyone."

"I was wrong," Heero said. He wished that he could rub his eyes, they ached. "There are times when it is necessary to not only trust, but to work with people for the greater good."

"I did that," Duo said and he paced. His one hand gripped his knife hard and his free hand continued to pull down at his clothes in a repetitive motion. "I did that, was the good soldier, was the one to stick my hand in the fire for everyone else." He laughed, short and sharp. "I even gave them my food when the dispensers had a few bad days." His eyes grew dark. "They couldn't be decent and let me die for them, though. They had to..." Duo shuddered all over and then he was smiling and turning to Heero, tossing the bad off of his back as if it meant nothing, just like Heero remembered him doing during the war. "I took care of myself, stitched myself, set my broken bones, and stole meds from the big dogs when I found..." He shook his head sharply and his smile took on a manic bent. "I survived and I learned. Alone is better. Kill them before they kill you." His knife angled towards Heero, "Unless they have something you need."

"I can't leave," Heero replied. "I don't have the right key for the perimeter."

Duo frowned and advanced on him. "Too bad for you then, because I think you're telling the truth."

The knife rested against Heero's jugular. His wrists tensed against the wire. He was going to have to do it and hope that the wire didn't cut through to the bone. Heero waited for the tendons in Duo's wrist to tense, waited for the slash that he was determined to evade, but Duo stayed frozen, staring very fixedly at his face.

"There had to be some good men there," Heero dared. "A few? The man who protected you?"

"The good ones died," Duo replied, his expression tinged with something... a bastard mix of disgust and sadness."He died too, remember? If you didn't have something they could use, they slaughtered you. Using up resources, they said. The good ones didn't seem to have a lot of skills, most of them were officers or bureaucrats. They wanted me to fix things, be their little monkey, but..."

"Why didn't you?" Heero asked. "It could have made things easier for you."

Duo's face twisted in rage. "Because of what they did! Do you think I would make those bastards my bosses? Murdering, raping... they wanted to pick and chose who lived and lord it over the chosen. They decided that they were there to stay, so they were going to be on top. Nobody stayed on top for long, though, that was the problem, there were always rats to pull them down and take their place. It was like watching garbage recycle. Everyone gets ground up and spit out and then they scatter, join other gangs, and then come back to tear down whoever took their place. They promised safety, but they couldn't keep themselves safe."

"Half your number were killed," Heero said. "We counted them on the monitors. Twelve people walked out of there, including you. I don't think anyone was leading by then, just surviving."

Duo nodded and grimaced. He looked down at the floor, shoulders slumping and knife falling away from Heero.

Heero felt dizzy. That was wrong, a part of his mind blearily concluded. Everything was wrong and there had to be a reason for it. He was not that sloppy. He was not prone to speaking his thoughts. He did not feel like falling asleep when someone was threatening to kill him.

"Duo," Heero said. "There's something wrong. Are you having trouble thinking, moving around?"

Duo narrowed eyes at him. "Another trick?"

"No," Heero replied and then tried to think of something that would convince him. He knew only on thing. "You know my abilities. You know how I was trained. Calculate the likelihood that you could knock me unconscious with a simple blow. Something here is making me... perhaps us, ill."

Duo looked thoughtful and his nostrils flared. "Gases maybe?" He looked at the stove and then approached it. He opened the door and peered inside. "What makes this work?"

"Gas lines," Heero said and then nodded. "There must be a leak somewhere. This is a very old place, old technology. Gas leaks are deadly. We need..."

"Gas leak? From this?" Duo fiddled with some connections and then grunted as he tightened a coupler. "Rusted. Is there a shut off valve?"

Heero nodded and his nod turned into a near faint. "Outside. Need... need to get out of here..."

Duo suddenly sat on the floor, grease on his fingers and knife clattering away from him. He blinked blearily. Heero saw his head turn towards the back door. Of course he would save himself, Heero reasoned. There was nothing in Duo's actions to date that indicated that he would take any other course.

"Stupid!" Duo slurred. "Why'd you buy a dump like this?"

He crawled on hands and knees, grabbed Heero by his feet, and over turned the chair. He retrieved his knife and cut Heero loose. It was an automatic action. Duo couldn't have been thinking very well. He did what he had always done during the war; sacrificed. Heero tried to crawl towards the door. He felt Duo hook an arm around him and drag him towards it. When it was open, Heero forced his legs under him and threw them both free and clear of the building. He collapsed then, with Duo panting in fresh air beside him.

Duo grunted and looked at Heero from his position on his side. He was frowning and looking confused. "I guess...," he said, "I wasn't thinking too good." His eyes looked around them at the miles of brown grass as if really seeing it for the first time.

Heero rested on his stomach, head pillowed on his arms. The fresh air was clearing his head, but he doubted that it was making Duo think clearly. The gas was taking the edge off of his paranoia. Once the clean air began to negate those effects, Heero was afraid that Duo would return to being psychotic. He had a decision to make and he had to make it quickly.

"Freeze!"

Heero started and found himself looking at a group of armed agents in riot gear. They were all holding weapons on Duo. The decision was being taken out of his hands.

"No!" Heero shouted hoarsly. "Gas leak. In the house! He saved my life!"

"I should have killed you!" Do spat and was scrambling drunkenly away, willing to die rather than chance that any number of terrible things could happen again. Two rifles tracked him reflexively, but Heero was grabbing the barrels and forcing them down, risking himself in the process. He sank to his knees again, trying to keep his head clear enough to speak.

"Let him go. He can't go anywhere," Heero said and then sat down completely as a medic pushed him down with one hand. He crouched in front of Heero and checked him with an instrument. Trowa Barton stood behind him, frowning as he cradled his rifle, and watched the medic injected Heero with an anti-toxin.

"We reacted to your life signal," Trowa told him. "We assumed it was failing because Duo was killing you." He motioned to a man. "Turn the gas off to the house." When the man had gone, Trowa asked Heero irritably, "Why you didn't you upgrade to power cells?"

Heero replied sourly, "When did I have time to live here, Barton, and change anything? Une made sure that I didn't stay inactive for long."

"I hear blame in your voice," Trowa said as his eyes tracked something across the grass. He looked appreciative. "He's good at hiding."

"He had to be," Heero replied and then added, "Une didn't hold a gun to my head, she simply showed me how many people were going to die if I didn't use my skill to help her root out insurgents."

"The same argument she gave to all of us," Trowa agreed. "Keep fighting or they win. You can only refuse if you don't have a conscience. We all have one... except for Duo. What will you say to him to get him to fight too?"

Heero glared. "You're wrong. He saved me. He didn't have to."

"He needed you... to get out of here," Trowa retorted. "Don't let your emotions blind you to what he's become. I watched him when he was in the psych ward, you didn't. I saw a killing animal, who's only concern was his own skin. You haven't changed that in a few days."

It was an explanation and Heero didn't like it. Had Duo saved him because he might be of some use? Duo's brief visit to reality made him doubt that. Duo was there, under all his hurt and anger.

"Get out," Heero ordered. "This is my operation, my call."

"And your skin," Trowa grunted, but he dug into a pack and tossed round power cells at Heero. "We can get more for our camp. You'll need them."

Heero nodded as he caught them. Trowa gathered up his men and they exited through a perimeter gate, all weapons held ready in case Duo used that opportunity to escape. When the force field closed again, Heero felt a sharp sense of isolation.

His head was clearing. He sat quietly, eyes constantly checking his surroundings, knowing that Duo might take advantage of his vulnerability. He could have held Trowa back, but he felt that the more time that Trowa and his men remained, the greater the threat that Duo would bury himself in violent instinct to survive.

"What do you want!" Duo suddenly barked out.

Heero whipped around, ready for a fight, but Duo was crouched tensely a few yards away, eyes glaring.

"They come. They go. I'm still alive!" Duo said. "Why? That was Trowa... he's not stupid! He's a killer!"

Heero thought carefully about his reply, and then decided to drop subterfuge. Duo understood the playing field already, but he was trying to fit it into his world, the prison world, and failing. He wasn't dead. He should have been. In his world, that had to be because he was needed; useful. Duo didn't understand what that use might be, though.

"He doesn't think that you can be useful," Heero shouted back. "He thinks I'm wasting my time."

"You are!" Duo affirmed.

Heero tried to see him clearly, squinting against the sun. Duo was pale and his expression betrayed that he hadn't yet recovered either. Heero wished that the medic had treated him. If Duo became seriously ill, there wouldn't be any way for Heero to get close enough to help him..

"Do you remember Une and the Preventers?" Heero asked. He was greeted by silence. Heero continued. "There have been groups eager to tear down the government and create their own. They are willing to kill and destroy to accomplish that. Our talents, our skills, are needed to stop them. We need you. If you hadn't been kidnaped, Une would have approached you, as she did us, and asked you to join us. I'm here to help you understand that you aren't in prison any longer, that everyone isn't trying to kill you, and that freedom is yours when you do understand these things."

Duo sneered. He moved closer, and then closer still, until he was crouched within touching distance of Heero. His body twitched as if he was fighting the urge to run. He said tightly, "Isn't that needing me, using me?" He spat aside. "I'm not free, and I won't be set free, unless I do as I'm told. Don't try and sell me on sweetness and light. There isn't any." He cocked his head sideways. "Maybe I can use you too? Maybe I'll get what I want?"

"What do you want?" Heero asked. Duo was deadly, his mind was telling him, and it was hard to resist the urge to put space between them. He surmised, though, that this was a test, that Duo was daring him to attack, to prove to him that the same laws were still in effect. Trowa's failure to kill him had confused Duo, Heero decided.

Duo's nostrils flared. "I don't make deals, but I will play along."

Which said nothing and promised little. "Why tell me that?" Heero wondered.

"You remind me of the weak ones," Duo said, with just a hint of contempt. "You want to save me and make things civilized and safe. They'll kill you, just like those people were killed... I'll probably be the one to do it too."

Heero tried to follow his meaning and then wondered if there was any. "Who are 'they'?"

"Trowa, Une, everyone on top," Duo told him with a snort, as if he were being stupid. "As long as you're useful, you live. When you stop being useful, you die."

"Duo..." Heero frowned.

"Naive," Duo snickered. "I don't remember you being idealistic. I would have thought that you'd learned that they always double cross soldiers in the end, that they always slit their throats with treaties and alliances. A soldier without a use is a danger, is an anachronism. Wu Fei saw that. I got it. That's why I..."

Duo frowned and looked confused.

"Why what?" Heero prompted.

"Why I ran away at the end, why I decided to hide and never let them find me," Duo finished quietly and looked disturbed. "But they did. They couldn't kill me quick, though, they had to dump me into that prison with other undesirables."

"Duo, Une and the government didn't have anything to do with sending you there," Heero protested.

Duo grinned and it was ugly. "Yeah, you are damned naive. If they were handing out awards, you'd win hands down. So, where's Wu Fei? Hiding?"

Heero blinked and felt a chill. "Duo, you're being paranoid."

"Why would Oz dump us and then never come back?" Duo wondered, "Unless someone paid them to deliver us? I've had a long time to think about it, Heero. Who survived? The meanest bastards, that's who, just the type of people Une and her government needs, I bet. They probably thought we'd be damned grateful too and willing to do whatever they wanted. Guess they didn't count on the others being too crazy to use, or me too smart."

Duo's logic made sense and that was going to be hard to refute. Heero gave it a few, long moments of thought and then replied, "Duo, we do need you, but the rest... I can only show you whatever records you need to convince you that Une and the government didn't have anything to do with your kidnaping. I can hook up to the ether, give you access to classified documents-"

"They'll let me see what they want me to see," Duo growled back impatiently. "Like I said, I'll play along to get what I want."

"I need to know what that is," Heero persisted.

"A better hiding place," Duo replied.

Heero's head hurt trying to understand. "Hiding place?"

"My first one sucked," Duo told him. "I want a head start, a chance to find one that Une and her fucks can't find. You promise me that, and I'll kill who ever you want."

Heero shook his head. "It's not like that, Duo, not one mission. Une wants you to join Preventers as a permanent agent."

"No," Duo replied and then held out his arms. "Might as well call Trowa back and have him kill me. That's the deal, right, or are you still being naive? I agree to join and you let me out of here. I refuse and you kill me."

Heero rubbed at his aching forehead. "No..."

"Then I can just walk free?" Duo wondered mockingly. "Hey, Heero, I'm in my right mind again, see you later." He eyed Heero. "So?" he laughed when Heero frowned. "See? Stop lying. I'm like a dog on a chain and you know it. They just want to give me enough slack to bite once in awhile. The rest of the time, I'll be chained to the Preventer kennel.. Yeah, just like the prison."

Heero let out a long breath, completely confused now. "You're not making sense. You could pretend to go along, pretend to work for Preventers, and then escape at the first opportunity. You've just outlined every reason why that might be true and that we shouldn't trust you. You want me to fail. You want Trowa to elliminate you."

Duo snorted. "I'm suicidal? Would that be why I was one of the few people to survive the prison? Try again."

Heero felt like swearing. Duo wasn't stupid. He put the pieces together again and made a slightly different pattern. Duo's level look confirmed it and Heero was suddenly throwing himself backwards. Duo's blade slashed out and cut the air where his throat had been. Duo had been waiting for his confusion to cause him to drop his guard.

Duo cursed and ran, knowing that his own weakness made him no match for Heero. He knows, Heero guessed. The key to the perimeter was in his own DNA. He could pass through it because it was keyed into the passcode. Duo had been watching Trowa and his men carefully to figure that out. Now he knew that all he had to do was murder Heero and use his body as a shield to get through the perimeter.

Heero pulled out his com, making a decision. "Trowa, unkey my DNA from the perimeter. Duo knows."

"Your funeral," Trowa replied shortly and the com went dead.

TBC

" 


	4. Tensions

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this Warning: Male/male sex, past NCS (not described),language, violence.

Lock Up

Tensions

"Leave me alone," Duo growled as he sharpened his weapon with vicious strokes.

"Killing me won't get you your freedom any longer, I made sure of that," Heero told him as he stood cautiously in the doorway of the barn.

Duo glared at him and then went back to sharpening.

Heero sighed and sat on a low crate, chin on fist. "We're both prisoners here."

"I'll survive," Duo snapped.

"I know you will," Heero replied. "So will I."

Duo snorted as if he had made a joke. "They'll kill us both in the end, when they don't need us anymore."

"They'll always need us," Heero replied and felt a sharp pang as he said it."The war never really ends. It just goes undercover for awhile, until people build their strength and lay their plans."

"Ignorance is bliss," Duo ground out as he tested the edge of the blade on his thumb. "I was ignorant once. I thought what I did mattered, that there was an end to it. I want to be ignorant again, Heero. I want to believe in peace." He looked at Heero. "But that won't happen. They took that from me in the prison, when they showed me how much my ideals were worth. You fight because you think you're making a difference, that you're saving people. In the end, they'll show you too. They'll turn on you, kill you, because you're a threat to them... too dangerous to allow to live. Wu Fei knew it, but I didn't listen... none of us listened."

"He's gone," Heero told him.

"Hiding?" Duo wondered and Heero nodded. "Smart man."

"Une is searching for him," Heero said thoughtfully.

"She won't put him in prison," Duo growled. "She'll kill him. He's too tough, too stubborn. He'll never join her."

That statement filled the silence for several long minutes and then Heero said, as he looked around the old barn, "This place used to be mine."

Duo blinked at the change of subject. "Yeah," he said shortly and then crouched on the wooden floor, making a comfortable position out of one that was anything but. He was ready to fight. Ready to kill.

"I tried to live in peace," Heero continued. "I couldn't."

"Couldn't or wasn't allowed to?" Duo wondered bitterly.

"I was restless," Heero replied. "I wasn't able to relax, to put aside my need to fight. Une-"

"Heero," Duo cut in, "a soldier isn't unmade in a day."

He sounded calm and sympathetic, like the old Duo. Heero didn't lower his guard, but he thought about what Duo had said. Words came from him then, and he wasn't sure why he spoke them, or why he entrusted them to Duo. Perhaps they had been percolating under the surface, wanting to come out, needing to be heard by someone?

"I was alone. It was too quiet," Heero said softly. "There was just the wind over the grass and the storms blowing in, once in awhile. I watched a tornado come very close and I stood and watched it. I didn't feel like saving myself. It passed me by, but I realized that I couldn't live for just myself. I was empty, friendless, and without a family. Being a soldier was all I had, all that made me worth something. Without it... I might as well be dead."

"You're wrong," Duo replied just as softly, his brow knit. "Just being who you are makes your life worth living. "

"Is it enough for you?" Heero wondered.

Duo thought about that and then said, "Yes, despite everything. I think I deserve to live."

"Even alone?" Heero wondered darkly.

"Am I alone?" Duo retorted.

Heero considered him and then said, almost bitterly, "Yes."

Duo tapped his blade idly on his knee, "Then you're a ghost?"

"Possibly," Heero replied.

"A very annoying ghost," Duo told him and then straightened. Heero tensed, but Duo only stretched his back, his purple eyes never leaving Heero."I've decided something."

"What?" Heero wondered.

"That you're one of those altruistic people," Duo replied. "Just like the ones who were slaughtered in the prison. High morals. High ideals. They never saw it coming... to busy making deals and talking cooperation and peace... It makes people blind."

"A blind ghost," Heero murmured. "Why bother trying to kill one?"

Duo snorted. "I don't think I need to. They'll do it for me."

"I cooked dinner," Heero said, feeling that they had broken through a barrier. "Noodles and chicken."

"Just because I talk to you, doesn't make you safe," Duo snapped back.

"I know," Heero replied. "But there's no reason to kill me now, is there?"

"I don't know," Duo growled back. "Maybe I'd like the peace and quiet?"

Heero found a laugh and it surprised them both. "You've never been quiet, Duo."

"Never had the chance to," Duo tossed back. His nostrils flared as if catching the scent of dinner. "Chicken and noodles?"

Heero nodded.

Duo's eyes narrowed and he said angrily, "I don't trust you."

"I know," Heero replied. He stood and then motioned Duo to follow him. "I don't trust you either."

"Eat the vegetables," Heero said as he cautiously slid a tray of greens to where Duo was hovering on the opposite end.

Duo flinched, but then shoved the plate back. "I've been eating hydroponics crap for so long, I never want to see it again."

"Then eat a vitamin," Heero suggested. He snagged a bottle of them from an upper counter, opened it, and then tossed one to Duo. Duo caught it deftly, eyed it, and then ate it.

Heero grunted. "I wouldn't have done that."

Duo shrugged. "It says multi on the pill. Unless agents are becoming so clever they own their own drug factories, I think I'm safe."

"You've been sick," Heero said, "You need to rest and eat more. If you're not willing to trust the meals that I make..."

Duo lifted up a fork full of noodles and ate them with relish, all the while staring at Heero fiercely. "I've decided," he said after he had swallowed, "just what you're all about. You really do believe all that crap you handed me. You think you're on a mission to help me. It took me a long time to believe it, that's all. You used to question authority more in the old days."

Heero frowned as he sat at the table and looked down at his own meal, every sense alert for Duo's slightest move. "Maybe I still am questioning it?" he finally replied.

Duo raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? They wanted to kill me right away, or what?"

That was close to the truth, but not the truth entirely. Heero sighed. He was tired and it hurt more than he had imagined to be in that place again with the ghost of his failure there hovering at his elbow and his mission heavy on his shoulders.

"I think that you want to hate everyone," Heero suggested quietly, "and that you want to punish someone for what happened to you. You can't accept that it was just an accident, that no one meant for you to be there. It makes it... all the more tragic."

"Tragic?" Duo seethed, his hands going into fists. "Is that what you call it?"

Heero hunched over his plate. "I don't think I can find a word to describe it that doesn't make it less than what it was."

Duo calmed, but there was an edge to him that remained; an agitation."Why would they take us there and leave us?" It was almost plaintive, that question, and said to the air as if he didn't expect a response.

Heero replied carefully, "Preventers believes that they were going to use you as a bargaining chip, to negotiate terms. They were never able to do so, though."

"I've already heard that story," Duo growled as he stabbed at his food with his fork. "It still sounds as full of crap as the first time I heard it."

"Why?" Heero wanted to know, hearing the need in Duo's voice and sensing that they were nearing something.

"What would you say... what would you think," Duo asked softly, "if someone told you that all that damned sacrifice during the war was a mistake, that it didn't help anyone, that you bled, and hurt, and ground up your youth... for nothing?"

Heero felt suddenly cold inside, understanding Duo's pain and anger then. "I would feel just as you do now," Heero admitted, "but if I kept hating, if I kept trying to lay blame, that would only waste more of my life."

Duo covered his face with his hands and then scrubbed hard before he dropped them again. His eyes glittered, as if there were tears there, before he turned away and carried his food out of the back door and into the night.

Heero stared after him and then swore under his breath at his own short comings. Instead of helping Duo, he was falling into a pit of his own well hidden emotions about the war... about Duo. He was letting it dictate his tongue. He should have reinforced and driven home his insistence that no one was to blame for Duo's imprisonment. Instead, he had allowed himself to approach Duo from an emotional vantage point. Facts were the only way to reason with madness, he had been told, well stated facts repeated again and again, but there was so much more to it where it concerned Duo. There was a darkness, a disillusionment, that was driving everything else. Well stated facts, he felt, were useless against it. It could only be met with...

Heero stood and went to a cabinet. He took out a thick blanket, draped it over one arm, and then walked out into the night. Every nerve and common sense warned him. Fighting ingrained lessons made him tremble. Duo had proven, again and again, that he was a killer. There was a current of daring to Heero's actions though, the same current that had caused him to ignore everything and do what his heart told him was right, despite every cost to himself. There was only one cure for Duo's kind of madness...

Heero found Duo crouched warily among the tall grass, the plate of noodles in his lap and the moonlight glittering in his eyes. Heero found a comfortable dip of earth, wrapped his blanket around himself, and stretched out into it.

"The breeze is warm," Heero said to the night. "A good night for sleeping out of doors."

The plate made a noise as Duo put it aside and then there was silence. Heero tried to keep his body from quivering with the tension. He felt Duo settle by him. His imagination painted that wicked blade of Duo's slicing him open. At last, Duo sighed, and said, "Someone here is crazy... and I don't think it's me."

A body settled. Heero heard soft breathing shortly afterward. Duo was sleeping by him, but Heero wasn't fooled into thinking that the man had dropped his guard as well. Heero was being given something, though, a concession of sorts for his fool hardy action. He had been right and Duo had hinted at it all along. He needed to be a non-threat, not the best agent and soldier in the Earth Sphere.

Morning found Heero sore from sleeping on the ground and covered in dew. One of his sides was warm, though, and he didn't dare move or allow his breathing to quicken in surprise. Duo was a wound spring with a deadly trigger. If Heero startled him...

Heero moved his eyes and found Duo's chin on his chest and his large eyes staring at him, not more than few inches from his own. Duo looked thoughtful and tired, his body under the blanket and curled up along Heero's side.

"I could have had you for breakfast," Duo said, low and amused.

"Eggs and sausage might taste better," Heero whispered back, blinking sleep from his eyes. "Did you sleep?"

"A little," Duo admitted, "When I realized that you had slipped into a coma."

Heero found a faint smile. "I haven't slept well for several days. I wasn't prepared to die in my sleep."

"And now?" Duo wondered, frowning. "Now you don't care about dying?"

"Now..." Heero felt a wave of dark depression. Maybe he hadn't cared last night? Maybe the thought of going on with his lonely and pointless existence had become intolerable? Heero didn't want to think so, but his actions had been nothing short of madness. His only consolation was that he wasn't dead, and Duo didn't seem disposed to end his life... yet.

Duo sighed. "Heero... I didn't give up. You have a lot less reason too. Let's say you get up and go back into the house? Lock the door for good measure. Make it hard for me to kill you again, okay?"

Duo's tone was amused, only holding a little of his dangerous edge. It sounded almost like the old Duo, the one who could grin and joke, just before he cut a man in half with his beam scythe.

"Are you still going to kill me?" Heero asked, still not willing to move and give Duo a reason to lift his chin, to move away from his side. Heero was enjoying Duo's closeness, his deadly intimacy that was confident only because Duo thought that he had the upper hand. That meant, Heero knew, that Duo was holding his blade in one hand and that it was probably ready to sink into the very chest that Duo was resting on.

Duo raised an eyebrow."Why bother?"

"I'm glad that you don't think that I'm trying to hurt you anymore" Heero replied, but it was a question too.

"Are you gay?" Duo wondered and it was so different from the answer that Heero had expected, that he blushed and couldn't find any words. "You are?" Duo pressed. When Heero gave one, short nod, he seemed almost irritated as he said, "Me too."

There was a silence and Duo seemed to be thinking. At last he said, "I think God wanted to see how fucked up he could make a couple of lives when he made us, don't you think? I mean, we've been killing and trying to survive our entire lives and now we get the royal, 'You're screwed', when it comes to settling down and having a family with some nice girl. The way things happened... in the prison... I can't even say if I could find any guy I'd let that close, either. Makes a person contemplate celibacy, you know?"

"But..." Heero began to point out that Duo was resting against him, trusting him, but Heero had never let on that Duo Maxwell had interested him that way, so perhaps it wasn't something he realized now? That thought made Heero suddenly apprehensive. He had just admitted to himself that he was interested in Duo that way.

Duo's eyes rose and looked about them, his chin not moving from Heero's warmth. "Perfect place for two of God's jokes. In the middle of nowhere, no one to bother us or make us trigger happy, and someone we understand."

It was like lightning in Heero's gut. Some part of his brain was saying that Duo was speaking from depression, simply musing, but a larger part of him answered that musing with a reply that he could in no way stop from leaving his lips, "I would like that."

Duo stared at him, his eyes going slightly wider. "You mean that, don't you?"

It was hard for Heero to go on after that indiscretion, but he forced a nod past all of the mental warnings against it.

Duo looked ugly then and his blade was suddenly on Heero's chest between their chins, catching the morning sunlight. "Too bad it's just a nice dream. Your buddies out there, watching us, ready to move in and finish me off, won't let that happen."

"They are not my friends," Heero replied. "I don't have any."

"No?" Duo was sitting up, his threat not a threat at all as he took the blade with him and simply tested it's edge, staring out at the blowing grass all around them as if he could see past it to where Trowa and his men were stationed. "Maybe I won't kill you, but I will kill them if I have to."

"Why?" Heero pressed.

"You aren't a threat," Duo replied. "Not anymore. You're one of those good ones, the ones who get killed by the bad guys every time."

"They won't kill me, Duo," Heero told him as he sat up slowly as well, "and they won't kill you, either. You have to believe that."

"Prove it," Duo demanded, chin raising in challenge as he glared at Heero. "Call Une and tell her you quit. Tell her she can shove her Preventers. Tell her you're going to Tahiti and sunbathe nude." His eyes glittered. "You'll see. She'll send her dogs in and you'll be dead. We both will."

Heero thought about the dare, thought about what he wanted, and thought about how much of his life he hated. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed. Duo was frowning now, worried, believing that Heero wouldn't call his bluff.

"Stop!" Duo said suddenly. "I... I don't want you to do this, Heero. I don't want you to die!"

"No?" Heero said, the phone to his ear. "Then it's all right. I won't."

Duo clutched his blade in his lap and gathered himself as if he were ready to run or defend himself, his eyes wild.

"Une," an irritated voice finally answered.

"Yuy," Heero said without preamble. "Duo is all right, but I think he should stay here for further observation. I will be staying with him... as a civilian. I'm quitting Preventers as of now."

"Heero?" Une was startled and then she was anxious and angry. "You can't do this! We need you! Everyone needs you; your skills, your training... I've worked too hard to bring you together to fight for peace!"

"Wu Fei knew better," Heero told her calmly. "He hid to make sure that no one would try to recruit him. He wanted peace, the peace that we fought for. I want it too. I don't want to fight or kill any longer. I think... I think I've finally found someone I can put down my gun for, someone who wants peace as much as I do... who needs it... who should have it."

"I refuse to release Maxwell until he's been psych evaluated!" Une began to threaten. "No one will sign off on him, I promise you. If you stay with him, you will both remain prisoners there."

It was a weak threat and Heero wasn't afraid. "It is a good place to rest."

Une spluttered, but Heero hung up the phone, and pocketed it before she could marshal a reply. He looked at Duo and found Duo a little pale and unsure."They'll come to kill us," Duo said flatly.

"No, they won't," Heero replied. He stood carefully. "Eggs and sausage?" he asked.

"For our last meal?" Duo wondered as he stood as well.

"No, for breakfast," Heero replied as he walked towards the house.

Duo sat at the table while Heero cooked, and he ate with relish when Heero served him the food, but his blade was never out of one of his hands, and he seemed to be straining for some sound of danger. When none came, he looked uncertain.

"They've left," Heero assured him. "They know we can't leave here and they won't waste manpower watching us. They'll dedicate a satellite to watching our home and leave it at that."

Duo didn't look as if he believed him. He finished his meal and then stood up. "I want..." he said and then paused as if it was very difficult to express that want.

"We have time, to say everything," Heero replied with a smile and stood as well. He slowly approached Duo, reached out, and took the blade from his hand. Placing it on the table, he lifted a hand to Duo's chin, caressed it gently, and then pulled Duo toward him for a kiss.

The kiss was warm, soft, and everything that Heero had been needing. He felt complete and at peace in an instant. When he broke it and looked into Duo's eyes, he saw an answering yearning there.

"I want to believe you," Duo breathed and he was trembling slightly.

"You will," Heero assured him, kissed him more deeply, and then said against Duo's lips in the barest whisper, "You will, love."

The End

scratches head Okay, so that was a very angsty, psychological piece... but it's done. hears crickets

. 


End file.
